I was having a “why me?” moment the other night. Just revisiting my year so far, the grief, the loss, and the pain. I know there have been plenty of joys, too, but I was in a mood.

Then I heard, within, “What if your healing was just to connect deeper to Divine love?”

I wanted argue. My healing was about financial stability, achieving success, being healthy, thin, and strong. My healing was so I could experience joy and peace. Right?! Don't I create my reality? This is what I want. Like I said, I was in a mood.

“Is that what your ego wants or what your Divine self wants?”

Crap! I knew that was what my ego wanted. It wants to be successful, have money, be thin, strong......and all of the perfection it can imagine.

Now, let me say, the ego is NOT a negative aspect of ourselves or something that should be ignored. Well, you actually can't because the ego is our conscious mind. That's all it is. The self that experiences the singular self, alone, and disconnected. It's needed to help us function in this reality. Money, success, health, appearance, joy, fame, and anything else that the ego desires is not inherently bad. It is great to be grounded, create stability in your life, and have goals for growth. All these help support your experience here on earth. The issue arises when you think that's the goal.

Let's say you go to an amusement park. You ride several rides, eat yummy junk food, take pictures, and maybe see a show. If you thought the goal was to get food, you would have missed out on the rides. If you spent so much time hyper-focused on getting the perfect picture, you would miss the moments you were experiencing there. The outcome of the amusement park was tasting food, riding rides, experiencing joy, but none of those were the goal. The goal was to go experience the amusement park. One simple thing. Show up and immerse yourself in the experience of the amusement park. Now, you might have got kind of sick from the food or didn't like one of the rides or missed the show. Did you fail at experiencing the amusement park? Was it a waste of time? Well, if you thought the goal was just to see that show or ride that ride, then maybe it would feel that way. If your goal was to experience the park no matter what, then it wouldn't feel that way.

So, in this amusement park called life, where is your focus? When you look at your healing and growth, how do you measure it? Is it how well you have achieved a level of perfection in your mind of who you are? Is it the way your life, your body, or your house looks? Again, I ask, what if your healing was just to connect deeper to the Divine? Ego doesn't like that answer often. It feels like a useless focus. It sounds like you are going to go meditate on the mountain and detach from life. What this is really saying is detach from your expectation of the outcome and focus on the experience. Then when you are present in the experience, notice all the ways that the Divine is sending you a love note. It isn't grief and loss that brings the Divine closer, it's that those experiences bring us to surrender and make us present in the moment so we can experience what is already there. What we experience as struggle, pain, and life not working out the way we want is in fact us running from the present moment. It is us running from pain, from truth, and from love. When you accept a moment exactly as it is and allow yourself to be immersed in it, you see all the truth. It doesn't mean it will be pleasant. When I watched my mother have a heart attack or have a seizure, when I heard my cousin was murdered, and when I experienced some of the most excruciating physical pain ever, it was not pleasant, but I was present for each of those moments. When something intense and soul-shaking happens in your life, you can't help but be present. Your brain just stops. That state of shock opens you to everything that is happening without a judgment, just for a moment, and allows you to just be. On the flip side, so does great joy. The first time I held each of my children, presenting at a Faery Congress for the first time, going to concerts, making love, and being in the ocean in Hawaii, I felt these time-bending moments also. My life has been filled with times I stepped out of my head and felt connected to the Divine in love. Some would say I just experienced my Divine self as I am. Others would say I was experiencing the grace of the Holy Spirit. Or maybe I am embodying the Goddess. It does not matter what you want to label it, it is being aligned with Divine light within. It is detaching from what you expected and just being in that moment. Of course nobody is perfect and this will be a dance for us all. Reaching for an expectation and then releasing it. I leave with a poem. Hafiz was a Sufi poet in the 14th century. He speaks of the Divine love beautifully in most of his poems.

I Know The Way You Get

I know the way you can get

When you have not had a drink of Love:

Your face hardens,

Your sweet muscles cramp.

Children become concerned

About a strange look that appears in your eyes

Which even begins to worry your own mirror

And nose.

Squirrels and birds sense your sadness

And call an important conference in a tall tree.

They decide which secret code to chant

To help your mind and soul.

Even angels fear that brand of madness

That arrays itself against the world

And throws sharp stones and spears into

The innocent

And into one's self.

O I know the way you can get

If you have not been drinking Love:

You might rip apart

Every sentence your friends and teachers say,

Looking for hidden clauses.

You might weigh every word on a scale

Like a dead fish.

You might pull out a ruler to measure

From every angle in your darkness

The beautiful dimensions of a heart you once

Trusted.

I know the way you can get

If you have not had a drink from Love's

Hands.

That is why all the Great Ones speak of

The vital need

To keep remembering God,

So you will come to know and see Him

As being so Playful

And Wanting,

Just Wanting to help.

That is why Hafiz says:

Bring your cup near me.

For all I care about

Is quenching your thirst for freedom

All a Sane man can ever care about

Is giving Love!

- Hafiz

I have shared this many times over the years. I feel it is fitting to be the first Blog post on the new site.

“The energy of who you are, is not limited by the forms it takes. It is still all a part of the One. The human form that you are taking is the best way to get to the pure form. Humans have this thought process that somehow they are less than other Beings, say us (fairies) or the dragons, because they are more dense, because they aren’t as aligned with the God energy all the time. The truth is that the beings who have chosen to be Fairy, to be Angelic, to be Dragon, to be Ascended Master, whatever, and hold that form, they now are just that energy. A very pure state of it, but they can not pull from the other energies.

A Fairy can not channel through Angelic energy. It is just not possible for us, because we have chosen a certain vibration, a certain fluid way of being. So, in our fluidity, in our vibrational energy pattern being raised, however you want to look at it, we have lost that ability. You need to be more dense in order to open to the lighter side. Air can not hold water the way that a cup can. So, though you are denser, more structured in your way of being in your earth plane, it is also that structuring that has allowed you the ability to pull forward many energies, many ways of being and embody them and bring them to the earth plane.

Why do you think all of us treasure humanity so? Humanity it is the place that all the energies blend back together. It is like it starts at the One and gets spread out in a spectrum through all these different avenues. And it is through humanity that it can pull those energies back together to the One again, the other side of the spectrum. There is a way to become so light, so open, that you lose the individuality and become part of the One. There is a way to get so focused that all the individualities get brought together into one Individuality, and to the One.

That is why it is so important for us that humanity continues to open. We can work with the Angels, but we can not combine our energy with their energy unless there is a human there to do it. We can work with the Dragons, but we can not combine our energy with them unless there is a human to do it.

It is a great honor to be human. Stop trying to be something else. Humanity has too many judgments about itself. It needs to love itself. Humanity is a very honorable thing. A human being is a very honorable thing to be. Yes, you have the dark side. You have the polarity, the duality. But that is what helps anchor you. That is what helps keep the denser part of you which is what really allows you to open and bring all of these energies together, to the cup that holds the etheric waters.

It is the human form that is able to blend all the energies together and pull them forward. It is not about people wanting to be more Fairy. It isn’t about understanding our Realm and who we are and trying to go there. It is for humanity to understand who they are and their important part in this expanded universe of the many realms and the many beings.

It is wonderful to be a human at this time. There are some amazing things going on. As a human you get to experience all of them! All the great work being done by all the beings all around you! You are sitting at the spiritual buffet of life!

It is time for humanity to get it! Why all the beings say they love them so much. Why we talk about how important it is for them to keep moving forward. Why they have been chosen to be these wonderful beings called human.

It is not some lowly form. It gives the filters, the ability to see the beauty of everything and to pull from many places, many energies and experience them. Watching humanity sometimes is like watching the great master violin player walk around in beggar’s clothing. Not playing a violin. Not sharing its gifts with the world. Not taking care and honoring the talent that lays there.

We offer you the violin. Play it! Bring all your talent forward to the earth and see what an amazing talented being you are by just naturally being you, this highly evolved being called human.”

-The Fairies