spiritual journey

Rise Above the Fear

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I recently was doing a reading for a client when the Fairies spoke this nugget of wisdom: “Humans who are not empowered use fear and crazy behavior to try and control those around them. When you rise above that energy, out of the fear, they cannot control you.”

In my experience, when you start setting boundaries, the people who have been benefiting from you not having boundaries will start to act out. This can be conscious, but it also happens subconsciously. We humans have trouble with change. So, it can be difficult to make the decision to create a boundary in the first place. Once you do, those around you will try old and new tactics to gain a sense of control. Generally, this is because they feel unsafe in the new dynamic. You can be compassionate and still hold your boundary.

When you create a boundary, make sure it is set knowing what you are willing and not willing to do. It is not about changing the other person's behavior, just your participation in their behavior. You must know what you will do if someone does not respect that boundary. Look for the best path to detach yourself from the situation. This can be easy to do when dealing with someone who is well-meaning, but unconscious or unaware of their behavior. This is harder to do with someone who is narcissistic, controlling, or manipulative.

These types of people are not interested in your best interest no matter how much they may say or even think they are. These types are merely looking to take care of their own feelings, wants, and desires at the cost of everyone around them. They may suffer from addiction or other mental disorders that exacerbate the situation. Often, it is our own fear that drives us to keep engaging in codependent behavior with them. I don't mean to demonize anyone who is like this. They, too, are suffering and it is why they are acting out in this way. You can have compassion for their suffering without enabling toxic behavior.

To rise above the fear, as the Fairies said, is really the only way out of those dynamics. Do you fear being punished by their anger or behavior? Do you think you cannot live without them financially, emotionally, or spiritually? Do you think you can't survive in the world alone? I would like to point out that rarely is anyone truly alone. Most people have jobs, family, friends, neighbors, that even if they are distant, could be called upon if needed. Also, if you were alone for a while, you might start to find like-minded people.

Even the most peaceful, spiritually-centered people can fall victim to codependency. In fact, I find it is often the people who are not trying to judge and love the world unconditionally that fall into these situations. It is good and generous to want to help and care for others. I'm not suggesting that you cut people off that need help or to stop being kind. You have to look honestly at your relationships. If you are honestly helping someone, then they are as invested in it getting better or reaching their goal as you. If you are being kind you shouldn't feel like you have been slapped in the face when you are done. Compassion and kindness have to start with yourself. You have to respect yourself enough to know your value. If someone does not value you and continues to take from you while also putting you down or making you feel shame, there is no kindness in that situation.

You deserve peace, love, kindness, and compassion. When you rise above the fear, you can see the Divine meaning behind the situation or relationship. You open yourself to guidance from the Universe of your next highest and best step. You gain clarity about what you want and deserve. It is freedom in surrender and peace within the chaos. You may not be able to change it all immediately, but you can start to shift gently forward, and soon you will find your way out.

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Physical Weight is Connected to Emotional Weight

I have never considered myself a binge eater. I have never sat down and polished off a whole container of cookies or ice cream. I think the closest is almost eating a whole bag of chips once or twice. I also wasn't one to be sad and shovel food into my face. I'm sure my food consumption was effected by my emotions, but usually it was that I would get stressed or depressed and not eat all day. I have seen these behaviors in my family, as well as extreme dieting and yo-yo dieting, so I have tried to be conscious about my relationship with food.

After my first marriage and two pregnancies, I was overweight. Once I left him and started living my life the way I wanted to, I quickly dropped all the weight. No diets or exercise or any conscious choices. I remarried and had another child and easily lost that pregnancy weight. About a year after my daughter was born, I started having several issues that would take me years to figure out were Adenomyosis. One of these issues was weird weight gain. Over the course of several years, I gained a little over fifty pounds! I tried many things to shift the weight but nothing was working. January 29th 2018, I had a hysterectomy and assumed that once I had healed some, the weight would fall off. By June, it was pretty clear that was not happening. At that same time, the company I had been an independent consultant for was bought by another company and they had some weight loss supplements. I decided to try one called Burn since I obviously needed help. Amazingly to me, it worked.

I became more active and have had bouts of exercise, mostly Yoga, and only in the last couple weeks have I adjusted my diet at all. This was to help with a gallbladder issue. Still the weight came off and as of right now, I am 20 pounds lighter than I was in June, which is nice. Also healthier and stronger from the Yoga. So, I should be on cloud 9, right? Instead, I am angry and sad. As the weight comes off, its like layers of emotions rise to the surface.

A lot has happened in my life over the last 8 years and it feels like I am having to relive the emotional impact of them again. My mother had two brain surgeries and I became her full-time caregiver. Stress about my three children and all that comes with being a mother. Family issues since my husband, children, and I moved into my parent’s house where my two younger brothers live (they were only teenagers at the time). Heartache around friends and family I have had to let go from my life. Layer after layer. I have been angry at family, myself, God, The Fairies, and this spiritual path. I have felt sad and lost. Instead of feeling it at the time, I was in survival mode. I was pushing over those feelings and trying to keep my head out of water, and when that didn't work anymore, I was just learning to breathe underwater.

I once heard a powerful mother talk about taking care of her fatally ill child and doing everything possible to keep her alive a little longer. She said when the diagnosis came in and all the information about care, it was like trying to drink from a fire hose. It was the best description I had heard of my own life. I feel like I repeatedly have had to try to drink from a fire hose while it's pointed right at my face. I think many of you reading have your own version of drinking from a fire hose. The trauma, stress, and pain we feel that is so overwhelming we just shut down and do what we need to do to survive. Then we blame ourselves and beat ourselves up for not being thin enough, healthy enough, or successful enough. We forget to give ourselves credit for doing the hard things. The hard thing might be just getting up in the morning when all you want to do is break down and cry. Sometimes basic functioning is a success and you should give yourself credit for it.

So, if you are struggling with weight, I would suggest looking at the feelings you are stuffing even if you don't fit that stereotypical emotional binge eater. You can find the Burn in the store page on this site if you are interested in that. I have had two aunts that also have had success with it. Mostly, be gentle with yourself. It can be hard to find your sparkle, and every time you love yourself, you get a little more shimmer.