This started as a post on Facebook. It had so much interaction that I decided to expand it into a blog.

I just watched an advertisement that made me worry for other females. If a man is ignoring you, showing signs of disinterest, or wanting to break up with you, trying to find a way to “trick” him into it is not going to benefit you. This woman was selling a text message system that will “make him obsessed and addicted” to you. Who wants that?! Someone obsessively calling and texting you is not fun. No matter how much you like them, it will wear on you. We live in this society that makes women think that they want someone who focuses only on them, but someone without their own life has nothing to share with you.

How about we stop pushing stereotypes that women have to manipulate men to try and control them into being committed? Or the stereotype that men are sex-crazed fickle beings who always want something new and shiny? It's like women are supposed to find the best beast and trick him into a cage. Is that really the way you want to start a relationship?

Also, the reference cases that she used said things like “he was cute and a doctor, total package right?” and described another as “handsome, rich, and made all her friends jealous” as if these were describing the perfect man. Is he funny, kind, smart, self-aware, socially aware, or do they even like each other? I don't know. She didn't cover that. I think both sexes are sent the message that being sexually desirable is the most important thing. For women, that is generally physical appearance and for men it is about money and status and/or physical appearance.

Our society loves to push the idea that once you get someone to commit romantically to you that you're happy and your life is fixed. Plus, this should be the focus of your life if you’re not in a relationship. It’s such BS. If we spent half as much energy and time, as a society, on self-development that we do on how to snag a partner, we would be a different society.

I will give you a free system that will totally work on any man or woman. First find one you like for them. Not because they are hot, rich, or connected. But one you actually like to be around. Then talk openly and honestly with them. Mean what you say. Now here is the BIG secret: listen to them. Like actually hear what they are saying, then take that at face value and respect it. Don’t look for hidden meanings or games. Even if they are doing that, you don’t want them, so move on.

Bottom line: let integrity and honesty be your game plan and don’t let others treat you less than fabulous. Desperation will come through no matter how expertly crafted your text message.