I have never considered myself a binge eater. I have never sat down and polished off a whole container of cookies or ice cream. I think the closest is almost eating a whole bag of chips once or twice. I also wasn't one to be sad and shovel food into my face. I'm sure my food consumption was effected by my emotions, but usually it was that I would get stressed or depressed and not eat all day. I have seen these behaviors in my family, as well as extreme dieting and yo-yo dieting, so I have tried to be conscious about my relationship with food.
After my first marriage and two pregnancies, I was overweight. Once I left him and started living my life the way I wanted to, I quickly dropped all the weight. No diets or exercise or any conscious choices. I remarried and had another child and easily lost that pregnancy weight. About a year after my daughter was born, I started having several issues that would take me years to figure out were Adenomyosis. One of these issues was weird weight gain. Over the course of several years, I gained a little over fifty pounds! I tried many things to shift the weight but nothing was working. January 29th 2018, I had a hysterectomy and assumed that once I had healed some, the weight would fall off. By June, it was pretty clear that was not happening. At that same time, the company I had been an independent consultant for was bought by another company and they had some weight loss supplements. I decided to try one called Burn since I obviously needed help. Amazingly to me, it worked.
I became more active and have had bouts of exercise, mostly Yoga, and only in the last couple weeks have I adjusted my diet at all. This was to help with a gallbladder issue. Still the weight came off and as of right now, I am 20 pounds lighter than I was in June, which is nice. Also healthier and stronger from the Yoga. So, I should be on cloud 9, right? Instead, I am angry and sad. As the weight comes off, its like layers of emotions rise to the surface.
A lot has happened in my life over the last 8 years and it feels like I am having to relive the emotional impact of them again. My mother had two brain surgeries and I became her full-time caregiver. Stress about my three children and all that comes with being a mother. Family issues since my husband, children, and I moved into my parent’s house where my two younger brothers live (they were only teenagers at the time). Heartache around friends and family I have had to let go from my life. Layer after layer. I have been angry at family, myself, God, The Fairies, and this spiritual path. I have felt sad and lost. Instead of feeling it at the time, I was in survival mode. I was pushing over those feelings and trying to keep my head out of water, and when that didn't work anymore, I was just learning to breathe underwater.
I once heard a powerful mother talk about taking care of her fatally ill child and doing everything possible to keep her alive a little longer. She said when the diagnosis came in and all the information about care, it was like trying to drink from a fire hose. It was the best description I had heard of my own life. I feel like I repeatedly have had to try to drink from a fire hose while it's pointed right at my face. I think many of you reading have your own version of drinking from a fire hose. The trauma, stress, and pain we feel that is so overwhelming we just shut down and do what we need to do to survive. Then we blame ourselves and beat ourselves up for not being thin enough, healthy enough, or successful enough. We forget to give ourselves credit for doing the hard things. The hard thing might be just getting up in the morning when all you want to do is break down and cry. Sometimes basic functioning is a success and you should give yourself credit for it.
So, if you are struggling with weight, I would suggest looking at the feelings you are stuffing even if you don't fit that stereotypical emotional binge eater. You can find the Burn in the store page on this site if you are interested in that. I have had two aunts that also have had success with it. Mostly, be gentle with yourself. It can be hard to find your sparkle, and every time you love yourself, you get a little more shimmer.